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sloan peterson!

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is this it? [May. 15th, 2005|10:26 pm]
sloan peterson!
well, i wont be updating much seeing as i dont have a computer...check y'all later
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ms.stish, whats a colleges?! [May. 9th, 2005|05:13 pm]
sloan peterson!
[mood |hotmichael jackson!!]
[music |dull hum of idiots]

blah the media center.
ellen is here. for some reason her english teacher thought that it would be constructive to make her students write a research paper on colleges...like anyone even knows what the hell they want in the tenth grade...when i ruled the sophmore grade, my english teacher actually stuck to her subject and made us read books and write papers on those...the english department in this school is a joke...
i hope no one thought that rant was about them last night...unless of course you are a highschool senior, as it was addressed to my fellow seniors, none of whom actually read my journal. it was for all intents and purposes, me doing what i had to do for my own frustration toward my classmates. if it offended anyone, well i have one thing to say: "if you cant take the heat, get out the kitchen" yeah, thats right, i quoted jason from making the band 3. omg, has anyone been following that show? b/c i was so shocked by puffys decision last thursday!!!
i had an uneventful weekend, but it was good.
travis brought me back a pimp shirt from the concert and i was happy. it is very soft and nice.
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dont read this unless you feel soooo bad for yourself. [May. 8th, 2005|10:33 pm]
sloan peterson!
[mood |annoyedshut the fuck up]

i hate ungrateful people and im tired of crap. my life isnt exciting. i dont "party" or "go to the mall" every weekend, but i have plenty of fun. im happy. im content. im going to college next year just like all you other seniors, and im done in less than 2 monthes. i work everyday, but that makes me value the time i have with people i love even more. i think kids need to start asking themselves, "gee, why am i such a whiney beotch?" we dont live in shacks, we dont have aids, and we arent starving. get over yourselves delaware valley high school! libertation is self enduced.
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it's always better when we're together [May. 3rd, 2005|09:30 am]
sloan peterson!
[mood |cheerfuli'm a huge liar!]

my life is really boring. i wake up, i go to school, go to work, then usually go home. sometimes i'll do something out of the ordinary, but not usually...and all i can do is sit here and worry about my financial aid and why i havent gotten it yet. so im going to invent a story insted of posting something true. b/c honestly, i think everyones tired of hearing me bitch and moan.
yesterday was sooooo cool! i totally ditched school. i called up andy vives, and he was ditching too! score! so i got out of bed to go hang out and realized kailey cullin and ellen kennedy had also not gone and were in fact sitting on the couch playing sega. we loaded into my mercedes and rolled up to the taco bell. i mean andys house....anyway, we picked up andy. then my mercedes turned into a stretch limo. we went to the school and since we are so badass, we told them we were picking up travis okeeffe and jeff harapolous and to fuck off if they didnt like it. we rode in style to the most expensive restaurant in new york. we had just ordered drinks and who was sitting at the next table but steve ohochinski and julia merchant. they said they had hit the lottery and that school seemed so passe now. they laughed that rich people laugh and order everyone their own bottle of crystaal. all of the sudden, a parade of elephants busted down the left wall of the restaurant. the biggest elephant was purple and green plaid. josh smith was riding this elephant and informed us that he had sold his house and father and bought a circus instead. it was a righteous circus. there were elephants, giraffes, clowns, beotches, and even a bearded woman named amanda segal. amanda segal the bearded woman invited us to her abode, where we drank all of our crystaal and watched "meet the fockers" until steve ohochinski shit his pants with laughter. then, unexpectedly, aaron romynz and eric gilson of the man-boy love assosiaction showed up. they were wearing top hats and speedos. we laughed at them and they joined us. lauren cullin and theresa blackman landed on top of the trump towers in an air balloon. then, me and kailey and ellen got in and we sailed away. back in milford, our small apartment was secretly a transformer. it turned into a stegosaurus and ran off. so we moved to a pimp mansion instead and when we got there, a christmas style feast was there. i went to bed happy, and full of turkey and crystaal.
the end.
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jesus, is everyone really so sad? [Apr. 26th, 2005|12:57 am]
sloan peterson!
[mood |embarrassedi feel stoopid]

my entry last night was dumb.
one of those stream of conciousness or whatever the fuck type things.
i am down lately.
i shouldnt talk about it here.
im sorry to everyone if i hurt your feelings or worried you.
the truth is people do care in there own ways, and if im too stupid to let them in then thats my own fault.
i promise i wont take any of you for granted anymore. julia, eric, joshua....all of you others that know who you are. thank you. knowing you care really helps. some days are just not so good and my brain meats dont work so great.
i know theres one person in particular who i am going to give a huge hug to tomorrow. after all, it will be their birthday.
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there's room to believe...out of sight, out of mind, out of reach.... [Apr. 25th, 2005|01:50 am]
sloan peterson!
[mood |restlesswhy bother...]

i read andys post.
i got angry. and replied.
then i read my reply. and convulsed and threw up.
then i cried b/c i wanted someone to call but realized that i dont have any friends.
i realized the only people who care about me are my mom and kailey, lauren and t, travis, and my grandma. all of those people are related to me. except travis and t of course.
when someone who loves you dies, its like a part of you is kind of chipped away.
ive spent 4 days feeling cold. and confused.
sometimes you think someone cares. but then you realize they never knew you. or you didnt know them.
work was not where i wanted to be today. but i am not wanted anywhere, so at work i was.
i dont want to go to college.
i dont even want to do anything.
i hate my life and i want to die.
the truth.
its beautiful.
fit for a princess.
the only person who has made me feel wanted or welcomed is travis. hence the reason we are always together. because when im with him i know what love is. and i am happy to know that someone doesnt think im a bitch or spoiled, or stupid as hell. maybe you all think thats stupid. high school bullshit. well fuck you. theres nothing more basic than love. theres nothing easier. and nothing harder. and nothing more true.
i feel like i do not belong anywhere.
no one is helping me.
and im drowning.
everyone keeps telling me i have to go to college.
they dont seem to think its as impossible as it really is.
the truth is i havent got a choice.
i havent got the money to go, but i havent got anywhere else to live.
mom keeps saying i have to go to school.
fuck school.
she says "you have to make papa proud, he wanted to see you graduate"
i thought i would be ok.
then i came home to this stupid online journal.
and i wasnt.
life is funny.
and i miss my papa.
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what the fuck [Apr. 22nd, 2005|08:17 am]
sloan peterson!
my papa died yesterday. it still hasnt hit me yet...even though i dug out the morning paper today and read his obituary....still dont believe it. i woke up and i felt fine. i thought- "oh, i imagined it all, what a horrible dream." yeah...no. i have never felt so confused before. i keep thinking "no,no,no stupid, he isnt gone, when you go there today he'll be there and someone else will be in that casket, not papa" no one i know has ever died before. i guess that makes me lucky. but not really...i can't imagine my life without papa. i keep saying "why now? why him" i only had 2 more monthes...he wanted to see me graduate thats all grandma kept saying yesterday....she kept saying "oh honey he wanted to see you graduate so bad" im so worried about grandma...she cant live by herself. ive never seen her like i did yesterday. the whole family was there. and everyone was quiet then suddenly so loud. the whole time i just wanted to lay on the couch and just cry. i keep hearing his voice in my head. the thought of never hearing that voice again makes me cringe. i expected to see him sitting in his chair in the cellar smoking a cig like always....thats the first place i looked when i came in the door. but he wasnt there. the whole thing moved in slow motion. i saw my aunt brenda where he should have been. then i turned left and saw jack, then grandma sitting and looking so small in her chair and her eyes were so glassy and she hugged me and kailey and said "oh you poor girls, you loved papa, you really loved him, and he loved you too" she kept saying "albie would have said..." or "albie would have wanted..." i just dont feel like he's really gone. maybe its like when you lose and arm and you get phantom limb.... i dont know. im so afraid. today is the wake. ive never done this before... maybe i shouldnt go...but that would be disrespectful b/c everyone else is going and it will be sad for everyone....maybe im just not as strong as everyone else. i dont know. he lived a full life, to the round number of 80.....and they say his death was painless. i just feel like i didnt get to say goodbye. i feel so fucking cheated. my aunts side all saw him on saturday for a birthday party and my mom and sisters saw him sunday. but i wasnt allowed to leave the store b/c i was the only one working and he was too sick to get out of the car. i thought theyd be back next week, b/c grandma and papa come every week of course. but no. the last time i saw him was when he gave me the car. he was so excited to give me that car. he wanted me to be safe in a good car. and he showed me and travis how to drive it, even though i know full well how to drive car...he was so nervous and happy at the same time. well...my moms coming to get me now and its time to wake up kailey. today is going to be even harder than yesterday...im afraid. and even though everyone is grieving....i feel alone.
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i wear black on the outside, cause black is how i feel on the inside.... [Apr. 18th, 2005|11:03 pm]
sloan peterson!
[mood |tiredtired of being bitchy]

after 3 days of fighting with mom i realized its getting me nowhere so i apologized and decided to just suck it up for the next 3 monthes. it wont be so bad...so after being emo and bitchy all day i went to travis' around 6 and found all these dirty boys there. then some left and me travis and dan watched freaks and geeks then i drove dan home and on the way past the mobile station i watched a crazy almost-truck-accident. it was wild. no my tummy hurts from eating wheat pasta. what a bad plan that was...fuck wheat pasta, i heart cholestorol. so today i realized i really am going to stop being a cunt b/c it gets me nowhere but angrier than i already am and really, who needs that? so im sorry if ive been a bitch to anyone reading this and i promise it wont happen anymore unless i decide i hate you and youre unworthy of my coolness. and now this:
What Icons are for you? by ladyallie
Favourite Colour
Your Love icon is...
Your Sad Icon is...
Your Happy Icon is...
Your Angry Icon is...
Your Food Icon is...
Your Animal Icon is...
Your Random Icon is...
Your Cartoon Icon is...
Your Sexy Icon is...
Quiz created with MemeGen!
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today is the kind of day we wish we hgad slept through [Apr. 14th, 2005|11:58 pm]
sloan peterson!
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]

yeah, i woke up, went to school for 2 periods and went to my moms house to wait for my dr.apt at 1:30...i was playing this crunk mario lost levels game on the snes and the fucking power went out so i took a nap. then the doctor told me some interesting things....then i went to work for approx. 1 hour to cover johns lunch break then my mom made me come to the mall with her to go b-day shopping w/ mamie and jack for kailey. i slept for like 3 hours in the car b/c the mall makes me annoyed. then we had kfc which has made me sick all evening. then i came home, saw travis, and then came back here and updated my LJ. approximately 15 days til i have nowhere to live, except maybe under the kitchen table at moms apartment....i dont want to go to school tomorrow...i just feel too shitty. i dont know why. i relized the other day that there are things ive wanted to say to people for years and suddenly i cant stop them from coming out...usually no one notices, but someone did this week and i was like 'totally busted' thank god half the people who i would really rip a new asshole for dont talk to me anymore...although there are certain people who i would love to tell things to and probably never will. highschool is so gay. whats gay about it theresa? well i know one thing in particular, but mom already outed him enough this week so i wont mention any names....
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neila bought me ice cream yesterday.... [Apr. 11th, 2005|08:23 am]
sloan peterson!
[mood |blaheh...i've seen better days]

this week has been weird. i didnt go to school all last week b/c i was too sick to handle work and school, and since school doesnt pay me to be here, i chose to sleep in and go to work everyday at 2. it was a shitty week. i got nothing done, didnt see anyone, and i ended up walking from the PJ dmv to gallery of sound, and then crying the next morning b/c my mom ditched me again and travis' mom had to step in and take me to get my vehicle. im feeling kinda down lately. good things happened this weekend though. kailey turned sixteen so thats a plus. i mean, now she can have a job! hooray! i bet your celebrating biotch...travis and i got her with the lights out- that bitchin nirvana box set that we envied her for having even though we gave it to her...yeah ellen, its my fault i have no money ever- b/c im always buying my family kickass gifts you sweaty turd. i dont know, apparently the school called my mom concerning my grades-say what girl?! first of all- where did they get her number?secondly- why would they bother calling her? i dont even live there...and lastly- how can anything terrible have happened to me grades in a weeks time? i dont know....i really miss grandma and papa, i never see them anymore...seeing them on saturday-although breif- was a very good thing.
i have next saturday off so i dont know what im gonna do...maybe ill see the musical w/ some dykes, or go to the mall w/ kailey to find her a new spring bag, or travis, b/c apparently he looks "dirty and poor" and "needs new clothes" <the saucy zipper's words, not mine...thats all i guess...im glad i have that kid...no one can cheer me up quite so well
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